Fuelling the festive chasm

Let’s not beat around the bush here, I’m pretty sure WordPress hasn’t missed me complaining and I haven’t missed being here because too much urgency whirlwinded into 3D life again. There is, however, something about Christmas with someone else’s family that forces my hand back into typing. I had hoped this time it would be different, and I’d like to say the turning point wasn’t when a statement from the hostess to me began with the words ‘if you have a big poo..’ but I’d be lying. It is a veritable wonderland here. Those xmas things you see in the shops, singing dancing trees, flashing lights rudolf lights and the like appear to have sufficient appeal that some people buy and display them.  ho.ho.ho.indeedy! 

The culture shock is always somewhat stark for a snob like me when we come here. The welcome of someone having a pungent christmas morning piss in the shower so that everyone else can smell their urine while they try to wash under the weakly dribbling showerhead is not a custom with which I am familiar. When watching an ensemble performing Leonard Cohens hallelujah which reminds me of someone dear who is no longer with us (she used to sing along really badly!) my remembrance was interrupted by ‘eugh, is that a couple of pooftas?’..and giggling about the over the top costumes and apparently nauseating sentimentality. There is nothing nice to say in response to that really. 

Sigh. it’s going to be a long day and I’m waiting to see whether the current degeneration into teenage rebellion status will manifest in anyone’s attendance at the dinner table complete with headphones and ipod again; at least then I guess the claims that the wine (albeit very average to questionable quality) gifted from us was off and would make people ill, wouldn’t need to be heard. 

Merry yuletide with YOUR local weirdos, you lucky sods. I can feel some sparkly pompom earrings of allergenic origin calling…


Infectious celebrations


I think religion might be something that respiratory viruses are responsible for. I know, I know, just follow this track for a couple of lines. Viruses need hosts to replicate.  They rely on infection of new hosts to allow mutations and further replication. What better way to ensure good transfer than by getting crowds of people to regularly box themselves in a room together? Singing and praying and breathing all over each other. Even better….how about getting people who live far apart to meet up and hug and spend lots of time together at a time of year when such viruses are rife, like, say, christmas time?

Smart move influenza, and viruses rhino-, corino-, picorna- and adeno-. I applaud your success and wonder how it managed to choreograph such a huge annual exchange of lurgeys. Presumably, thousands of years ago, parts of the viruses started to integrate in our genomes. Did you know that 8% of your genome is actually of viral origin? We assume this is just ‘junk’ DNA but what if it isn’t? Huh? I’m sure you know about that ant infecting fungus  Ophiocordyceps camponotirufipedis, that takes over the mind of the ant and makes it go back to the nest so the fungus can find new hosts!

Just think about that when your sniffly great aunt plants a kiss on your cheek.

BTW of course I’ve been sick for five days over Xmas and am fed up.

I should point out that someone smarter than I hypothesised that maybe these things I am trying to blame on super smart viruses may actually be a human response in order to boost the immunity of our nearest and dearest…I don’t buy that, or at least, I don’t appreciate it!

“I aim to bug you on your vacancy
Never complicate but you talk it cheap
You sense but you don’t know
Too lame to catch a cold”

Putting depression and religion aside


Ok. Lets put the cough and the depression and everything aside and try to be a bit positive eh?

Yesterday I got to see finding nemo again. Something magical and unshakably uplifting has been woven into that story. It never fails to connect ( unlike my writing)
Xmas day and the sun is shining, I’ve been given some cute gifts including Guillermo del Toros cabinet of curiosities. As a fan of Guillermos films I find this look at his scribbled notebooks and tidbits of scraps of thoughts quite fascinating.

Dinner was nice, talk of septic tanks, improperly laid out cutlery, lack of dining manners, horrific homophobia and SOs father going for a ‘bathroom session’ mid-meal notwithstanding. Went for a sleepy afternoon drive to the coast and surrounding villages as the sun was setting and I figured there were many worse places to be. I could do without the swearing, the constant referral to bowel and bladder movements…oh well. I guess it’s just different. Not my kind of different but next year I or we will go to my mum or dads place.

I’ve spent a large part of the day trying to make a 3d horse puzzle…

Still trying!!


Bah humbug

I love the fact that one of the first things I am told when I arrive at SOs parents new house my the mother is that I mustnt flush tampons down the toilet. Er. Well duh. I mean. I never have. Never would. Just mortified by the whole thought.
(though of course there is also no bin, but as luck would have it pill stupidity seems to have calmed down )
Glad I bought my little red riding hood cape. Largely cos it’s warm and cute and SO hates it and says I look retarded and I DONT CARE!

Day 2 in Norfolk and going a bit stir crazy. Having finished the bulk of my work assignment im forced to socialise. To be fair SOs mother makes an effort in her own way. You know…kitschy xmas things, stuff like that. What I could do without, is the long discussion about how awful it is when people get old and die. Im totally trapped here. I cant go anywhere unescorted. In fact this is precisely what SOs mother said to me…yet she accepts it. I’m sorry but I don’t think that’s right. Not one bit.
We ladies went out for a 5 min stroll which was apparently sufficient (was it? I didn’t see any horses…) and the menfolk have been dealing with loft insulation…
In keeping with the xmas spirit my paper was rejected once more without review. This is just another blow to an already imperfect season. No riding (due to stupid illness) no sleep due to hunger. No freedom. No poetry.
I am accostomed to washing twice a day. I find it hard enough to cope with only one wash a day but when its been 36 hours since your last wash it just gets a bit much. I feel v gross and hope I am allowed / offered a bath tonight.
If only I could be s bit positive but you know, things like toothbrush running out of battery, lack of cleanliness, lack of sleep, being ‘woken’ by being hit on the arse, paper rejection, claustrophobia, having to hide meds (because SOs parents must not know I’m on antidepressants apparently), lack poor fresh fruit and veg and all the rest, im just not feeling very festive.

Christmas lack of wisdom

Ok the secretive ones are over.
Let the verbal assault on the screen continue.
Xmas is a funny old time dont you think? Everyone dedicates this time of year to buy each other presents and share goodwill and indulge themselves, but what about the rest of the year? Do you not think people deserve random gifts or indulgences? Why the need for an ‘excuse’ to be merry and close and generous? I’m not saying I’m excluded from this! I do it too….just before the big day there is a scramble for gift ideas before time runs out and panic, and annoyance when nothing presents itself! But if I could only buy gifts I see through the year which I think so-and-so might like then December neednt be so fraught but there is always, what if I see something better later on?oh no, I could end up buying two years worth of gifts, and that wouldn’t do, how would I get my pre xmas adrenalin rush?