Sanity rescued by horses again

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Animals can achieve what humans cannot. Buster has managed to turn this weekend from a full on fuck-off whinge fest into a healthier balance of whinge, love, success and rebuilding of trust.

I feel alive again. Lurgey or no lurgey.

This super-horse knew I was still a bit nervous about being on his back after our most elaborate parting over a month ago, and he seemed eager to show himself as the supreme champion of bravery and level-headedness that I previously knew him to be.

I was wary when I heard he’d been naughty with the farrier, and that he hadn’t been exercised all week, but bless his little cotton sock (singular. He has only one sock), he didn’t put a single newly shod hoof wrong, even when I felt brave enough to try a canter and then our overexcited companion leapt sideways into our path, he deftly moved us to safety and then calmed his friend down.

How could I ever doubt my buddy? Oh yeah that’s right….broken nose….hmm, well I’d say I’m now back to trusting him about 80% and hope to get that up to a healthier optimal 95% soon. Five percent needs to be reserved for extenuating circumstances. Trusting 99% is what got my nose broken.

P.S. This was the first and hopefully last time I managed to go riding without applying Deodorant. This is a stinky enough hobby already without this added bonus.

“Itch to scratch,
To strike my past from all it’s owed
It’s sold”~sneaker pimps, curl

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Another dream

I dreamt of Abbie again.

It has been over five years since her passing yet I mourn her still.

I could never have asked for a more faithful friend, more loyal, more loving, more trusting, and she saved me from utter hopelessness by always getting through to me where others could not. I wonder if she had been a human whether we would have been such good friends, but being of the four-legged and waggy-of-tail variety of mammal she was destined for a shorter life than me, and when I told her I wanted to be alone, she just focussed her shining slightly crossed eyes on me padded forward and settled down beside me. We all joked about how brainless and dumb she was, but the fact is, she had wisdom that let her break through my walls where no-one and nothing else could. When things were at their darkest, I thought I could have exited this plain without causing much fuss, but it wasn’t thinking of my family that really stopped me in my tracks, nor was it thinking of friends (were there any?), or neighbours, or some imaginary gods, my only thought was that I couldn’t leave HER. We had been pups together, grown up as sisters and had been granted each other as a rare soul mate (loath though i am no use that phrase) and how could I turn my back on that? I have not found another living thing which I can share such a connection with since her passing, and maybe I never will, but i will always have her memory.

So when she comes into my dreams, I don’t want to wake up, I just don’t want to wake up.

I wish you were here
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