Stream of consciousness trickling out of my psyche

Oh glorious treacle of tasks and negativity. Why do you impede me so when I want nothing more than to run away? Thrashing as I am through even the shallows, barely able to raise my thoughts or my limbs. A never ending fatigue from fruitless fury. A ceaseless reminder of ruthless rejection. 4 feet deep and I’m drowning in my own demise. Breathing in waves of molasses-like fears and expectations. Weighing me down though my body is lighter. Pulling me back through the steps I have taken. This is life, this is the state I have chosen. This is so much more weight than I can bear on my mind. This is not enough strength to get me through to the garden. It’s cold and alone here.
Still sticky with fever, or tangled in doubts. Waves just come dragging me over the ocean to another such desolate spot. No closer nor farther than any before from where I know I should be.