My shadow stands in the echo,
of another man’s shadow.
I don’t fear that darkness,
his secrets, your lies,
It just stirs a
cruel hunger,
for fire.

Don’t feed me,
Nor compassion.
The fragment is lost,
In a wave of sadness,
from some other man’s peril,
But the echo rings around me.

And if you or he can worked out
what this is all about,
I’ll be waiting
right here.


Sorry gorse, I forgot that you existed.. plus other thoughts


The British countryside is awash with spring signs. The lambs bouncing around the fields, the primroses and daffodils sprouting as punctuate golden flares and the great swathes of yellow gorse in flower. I’m sorry gorse, I totally forgot about you for a while there, and so as recompense I will forgive you for being bedecked in such a gaudy hue.

I’m trying my best to maintain a good mood and not let myself wallow at all. Its easter and neither of my parents have any interest in seeing me. One is busy and the other didn’t bother to contact me for months, and I suppose I’m meant to feel guilty that I’m such a dreadful person that they kept putting off contacting me, but I really think this time it is not my fault. Not only that but we are currently visiting SOs family, so I get the joy of being treated as the lowest class of citizen, being both female and young, and not to mention the fact that all three of them think I’m simple. Rather than get swamped in hopeless thoughts of self-doubt and insecurity I’d rather look at the clouds and do some work on the computer, lose myself in reams of data and pathways, lending a pleasant reminder that my career is great and reminding me of a place where I am both appreciated and respected.

I got my boss, the assistant director, to wheel me down a corridor in an office chair…nor no reason other than frivolity. You don’t get that sort of offer every day so I took the throne and  giggled like a two-year-old as I flew down the hall 🙂 powered by the boss lady.

Apparently I haven’t done my full quota of housework for a month. So why is it that rather than make up for my erstwhile slack, I  am spending time finding books by Carl Jung? Why is the interplay between anima and animus, or the collective unconscious more urgent to me than that tangled Web of purples and inky black fabrics that really should be in the washing basket, or better still, washing machine! Perhaps restructuring my value system by reading the forefathers of modern psychology will help me to be a little more practical in times when that is required?

I have treated myself to a new shiny hair product in the shape of kerastase initialiste. This guy is some concoction of delicious smelling goop that is meant to make your hair stronger and shinier. This will come in handy because frankly I’m sick of finding more of my hair in the plughole or hoover than on my head…so the trial has begun. Watch this space!

“We’re just haunted in our skins
By all that could’ve been
You hide it from your face but it still shows”~ida, so long

Mbti personality test fun

First off, here is sox having a big silly roll in the sunshine.(spring, is that you???)


Now for something a little different.

The boss lady just got back from a Management course and was raving about Myers-Briggs personality testing, and how interesting it was, as if psychology was something that has only just been invented! If you’ve never heard of it, the test classifies people into 16 different personality types.
She came out as a physical chemist type, erm ISTJ if I remember correctly. So obviously, I was interested to see what I was. Turns out I’m INFP, so I’m a good moderator, I pay no attention to everyday stuff like washing up(Oh shit I’d better do that before SO gets home), I daydream, I live my life based on how I feel, and lose the power of logic when under pressure (sound like me?). What it also says is that I’m better at communication via paper vs verbally (duh!) and am always looking for the good in people, and remaining open-minded unless someone violates my values, at which point I become aggressively defensive (sound familiar?). Sadly the boss lady was thinking now that maybe she should give ‘extrovert’ people less of a hard time about blurting out ideas without thinking…..looking at me….but…I’m definately introverted, so why do I do that? Now she’s going to think that I have thought that stuff through thorough …when I really haven’t!!

I guess there are others out there like me who have an insatiable desire to fix people’s problems, to help them through difficult times and make everything harmonious and utopian.
Incidentally being infp makes me more prone to depression (probably because real life isn’t as awesome as my idealistic fantasy world).

How altogether fascinating. So maybe I’m not just lazy, selfish and irrational after all?!

Go and have a try and see what yours comes out as…I wonder if they got you spot on, or if some people don’t quite fit in those 16 boxes and require more sophisticated psychological modelling 🙂

“We were so aimless
But so filled with purpose”~ida, do you remember