I’m incapable of taking an eyetest and not all news is good news

My left eye is a menace. It refuses to behave in eye tests so I’ve been to the optician 4 times during my ‘holiday’ and have had new glasses made twice; I’m still not convinced that the correction is right. I’m to give it another few days before I’m allowed a third test with a more experienced optometrist….I’m getting all the spiel from the regular staff about adjustment periods etc while I’m sat there wondering just how far away they are from my face and how bad the cross eyedness will be when I remove them this time. The first left lens was the wrong power and I suspect the second has a marginally wrong axis or centre of vision does not align, or, y’know, both, or neither. Lets face it, I don’t like change. 

The staff clearly think I’m some kind of nutter…the way this should work is, you get your new glasses, accept everything’s been done perfectly and just deal with the headaches, you don’t tell them all about it for god’s sake, and not repeatedly! I hope they are right and I don’t fall off my bike tomorrow.

What a nice headache-inducing way to spend my time off work. Sigh.

………..

It was my intention to be creative these two weeks, make something, create something, but inspiration has not been abundant and playing ‘ori and the blind forest’ took precedent. I’m shite at computer games at the best of times, but one on a PC without a controller is well beyond my skill level even on easy.much swearing has passed. 

So instead I downloaded a karaoke app that lets you record yourself singing along to the songs on your phone. So I did that, and recordings  (so far only k’s choice) are only available for a laugh on request because I kind of hate my voice and don’t want it here for posterity. I will say though that it’s annoying how few contralto alternative, indie and (+/-pop-) rock singers there are out there to copy ;p

………..

Also the depressed, anxious and otherwise unpredictable and neurotic dachshund who I was playing with, picking up and generally bonding with last week viciously bit the damned gardener on the leg on my birthday so considering her age and deteriorating behavioral problems, she was sadly wished all the best in her journey to the doggie afterlife 😦

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It is upsetting but being small and cute doesn’t mean a dog is immune from being dangerous. Responsible dog ownership means making difficult decisions. In a weird way, I’ll miss my mum’s snappy, growly little fluffball, but not nearly as much as she will.

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In other news, for a change and to build my confidence, I rode the Highland pony today while my friend rode ‘the beast’ that is Buster, but they were both like lazy angelic horses the whole ride so that was lovely and relaxing for all. 

Now thanks to said pony my knee injury that I’ve been trying to ignore for a few weeks is niggling again. Dammit. 34 and griping about my joints and singing karaoke at home alone. How did it come to this??? 

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I’m allowed to be a dragon right now…

If you ask anyone who knows me what my favourite things to eat and drink are (assuming there is no nutritional judgement going on) and they’ll tell you chocolate, coffee and red wine.

Ok.

Now, if you ask my stomach how it currently feels about those items you will get a terrible response.

As my stomach and brain are at odds I have to bow down to the needs of my digestive tract because its getting in the way of thinking etc. Sadly the knock-on effect has been caffeine withdrawal to accompany the already established gastritis that has made a home in my body.

It’s really lovely because personally I enjoy nausea, heartburn, reflux, abdominal pains and more, and it’s a Particular delight when teamed with caffeine withdrawal. So the end effect is that I feel like I’m having a perpetual hangover – lethargic, pounding headache, nausea, depression..

Are you feeling sorry for me yet?

No?

Ok well maybe if I get medical with you for a moment. I have inflammation of the stomach lining that is aggregated by excess stomach acid. It is worsened by alcohol, caffeine, spices, fat, citrus fruits and stress. Which is a bugger because I have health anxiety…so I spy a bilious and vicious circle.

It gets worse…I couldn’t go horse riding because my body protector pressed into my tender stomach, and, to top it all off, I have to give a poop sample to the doctor to check if I have some funky spiral bacterium called helicobacter that burrows into your stomach lining (doubt it, I didn’t have it the last two times and I haven’t knowingly been eating other people’s poop….oh God, what if I DO have it and caught it from a restaurant or something…ewwww!!). If it was anyone else I’d be sniggering but it’s me, so it’s no laughing matter. Ok? I mean, I’m not going to discuss the logistics here but there are some things you should never have to learn to do.

So it has been a sad, painful weekend of coffee and chocolate cravings, and feeling like i’d drink a bottle of tequila, but without any of the fun bits. I’ve been a total dragon and didn’t shower for nearly two days. Sorry world, my adenosine receptors are having a party without my consent.

Now my GI tract is getting a bit less rebellious, I’m still struggling with the deeply unpleasant caffeine detox and I’m not sure which is worse…but caffeine will be waiting for me when this crucible is over, and if I hadn’t given it up for the timebeing I’d be staring down the barrel of an ulcer some time soon.

“You said I began
This messy state of love affair
And I drink too much and smoke too fast
And this city’s cleared my innocence”~Emiliana Torrini, heartstopper