Forgetfulness leaves a bitter taste

It’s finally happened. I’m left with such a bitter taste in my throat.

Lack of organisation and extreme goldfish attention span had me scrabbling in the medicine drawer for the liquid version of prozac because all my pills are gone. I mean ALL. I’ve been bleeding my secret stashes for weeks..all those emergency few I have in a handbag or next to the bed, in the cutlery drawer, down the side of the sofa. All gone, and it’s my own darned fault. Again you are probably thinking I’m being a drama queen but if you’ve ever tasted fluoxetine then you’ll have the greatest sympathy. It’s kind of how imagine a spoonful of bile would taste and it l-i-n-g-e-r-s. It’s really a test of strength because 90% of me wants to just skip a few days to avoid this unpleasantness, but the 10% that can tolerate the spoons reminds me what happens if I do that…so sulkily I concede.

I’d like to blame the doctors for not having their phonelines open 24/7 for repeat prescriptions, and for those rare occasions that I DO call when they are in, being engaged!

I’d also like to blame the pharmacy that dispensed this bottle of liquid evil, as I’ve previously requested the one with sucrose not sorbitol, but here I am with a sorbitol, slightly minty flavoured liquid that is trying and failing to mask the gag and wince inducing bilious bitterness of this medicine.

I’d like to, but honestly it’s my own damned fault and this is my penance for not getting new pills weeks ago…

“I was alone, falling free, trying my best not to forget”


Some sentences, accompanied by other sentences

The boiler is being silly and throwing up error codes…SO is telling me that it’s going to blow up and that if it does I wont be insured because I haven’t had the annual service done yet.
After last nights vivid and disturbingly unsettling dreams, those particular thoughts were thoroughly unwelcome.

Do you ever wonder, if you lost all external references, how long it would take for you to change? For example, if you only heard the sound of your own voice, how long would it take until the language you spoke to become severely deviated if not incomprehensible to your former self? How would you feel about your body if you had nothing to compare it to?

Im such a coward. I need to switch pills but I’m afraid of new and unpleasant side effects. I know I’m not allergic because I had to take that pill before for a different reason but the dose was different and it was years ago and now I’m scared. So instead of taking up my challenge to switch today, I stayed with the old one but, I did eat some goats cheese and pesto pasta (with lactase tablets) as an experiment. If the outcome is good, all is well. If the outcome is bad, nighmares and fretting over the boiler might not be the only things keeping me awake!

Today I was asked by the director of our unit if I was graduating soon. Erm, no….I’m a postdoc….im permanent staff…He was so embarrassed, I felt kinda sorry for him, then pointed out for future reference, to remember that the one with the red hair is a postdoc, and maybe we should instigate a hair colour-coding initiative for ease of identification!

I have this list of things I keep forgetting to do:
Pay phone bill
Book boiler service
Switch phone provider
Arrange for shower to be fixed
(SO is whinging about all of the above and quite frankly, I agree it’s very shoddy of me)
Also check when appointments and meetings are planned( one caught me by surprise today),
Book and Take bike for a service

I wonder how many I can tick off tomorrow….