A bit of everything

Kitty cat is so happy here, she eagerly awaits me in the mornings, is playful and affectionate and hasn’t missed the litter tray once or stank out the flat. She loves her new scratching post and has shed several claw sheaths ( non cat owners, did you know that cats shed the outer layer of their claws to make way for new sharper edges?). I’m gonna miss the little madam. She is only here until tomorrow afternoon 😦 booooo. Double boo is that the flat MUST be spotless as my bosses mum is coming to collect her.

How the hell do you get a cat in a box? Last time boss lady did it…im not sure this cat will ACTUALLY be leaving tomorrow!

Dusty has been awesome company, wanting cuddles and having cat conversations and generally being a delightful cat-person to have around.

In other news, I had another wedding guest dress dilemma and decided it was time to get a new dress. For the first time in the history of the world I have found a dress that looks better on me than the model used in the photoshoot! Not only this but the sales lady told me I had a gorgeous hourglass shape (ok I’m sold!). Such a sucker for a compliment! This one is unusual for me…a large flower print…oh I’ll just show the link…

http://m.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_58607+2224834198_-1

I can accessorize with black, black and black and still not look like I’m at a funeral.

Regarding food/weight this not counting thing is great but….I have lost a bit of weight and need to consciously eat more…I had takeaway and canteen food this week but even still the number slid down a bit and I’m left feeling deflated and tired.

Go go gadget nut and seed extravaganza!

Oh speaking of nuts I broke a tooth on a pistachio…I assume it was a bit of shell? Ugh. Drama. Two trips to the dentist to fix it 😦 and two days of being unable to rest my jaw properly but now all fixed and comfy..I have not felt relief like having that monster filling drilled back to size…I could have hugged that lovely eastern European dentist lady (but refrained)

What else can I tell you about? The fact that half a pint of beer got spilt over the coffee table and I was yelled at and told “quick”
Quick what? You are getting cloths, what am I meant to be quickly doing?

Stress. But what I did realise when I cleaned the rug was….oh good lord the carpets are FILTHY. Must get a carpet cleaner on loan, I’m disgusted at the dirt that came off such a small patch of rug. Oh poor rug….its been through the wars this week…cat pulling up fibres, beer, scrubbing. There is surely a limit to the amount of drama a £35 rug will endure!?

Had another dream about ex…weird because it involved his wife and kid…and mostly I was just being a counsellor rather than a temptress which was a nice shift of emphasis! My brain is so silly!

I’ve been bemoaning my lot regarding this infernal manuscript which we are trying to publish. Well. In a very unusual move, one of the journals to which we previous submitted has changed their mind and decided they want us to resubmit for review.
Well I never!
This is all very peculiar – I guess that it depends do heavily on the interest of the editor who happens to see the manuscript , and in this case it turns out an editor who DIDNT see it actually has s lot of interest in the topic.
Now I have the unenviable task of rewriting thr paper in the correct format with the right emphasis as the boss lady is in Hawaii and
I’m feeling a bit out of my depth. Boss is very particular about writing. Collaborator is very aware of underselling I am scared of overselling. Journal is very selective so all in all a huge pressure!!!

And breathe

You know how little kids sometimes sing songs to themselves? I used to sing about princesses and ponies and faeries etc….well imagine if a 30 year old man did this- only he was preoccupied with defacation, genetalia esp gay sex and animal abuse / bestiality. I’ve threatened to record him and start a new blog just showcasing his lyrical ability!!

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Yeah well it’s not the first time…

And it probably won’t be the last.
I genuinely fail to understand how I am supposed to reply to text messages that I have not received! In the absence of ren and stimpy “eureka” and a little picture of an envelope how I am I supposed to know that somewhere floating in the ether is a message waiting ti descend into my phone?…I am asking in all seriousness, have I got a bit of brain or tech know-how missing?

Back to reality then after a lovely weekend in wales .
I can summarise my trip in photos..

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Do any of those need explanation??? First off delicious meal cooked by lovely friend – it was her first attempt at vegetarian cooking anf I thoroughly approved!
Secondly a  visit to (googles name) st fagans ( im told you don’t say it Fayy-guns but rather as it looks…anyway this place is some sort of outdoor national history museum…full of buildings moved brick by brick for their preservation to this site. Despite the hoards of tourists the place remains peaceful (due to the size of the place) and encompasses a lot of rural welsh history. Very pretty, interesting and complete with an old fashioned high street and funfair including hall of mirrors (yup. Im not actually that short) then delicious dinner at a veggie place ( complete with awesome wooden mooses head and neon sign saying ‘eat art, drink music’ which I kind of want for my living room). After this on to a cocktail bar which I would sooner forget, followed by a charming bar with garlands, parasols, fairylights, beds, (not as in a hotel, or a brothel, they just substituted for seats. Downstairs they played old black and white films on a projecter and the cutest old piano was tucked away behind the stairs.

Basically there were some really cute and kooky places in Cardiff, but you know what…there is also a darker side of a night out on the town!

I’m not used to walking onto a street only to see a bloke and woman rutting against each other…gr…oss!!
Now I know that I complain about lack of compliment and attention but really I didn’t expect our taxi driver to ask if we were out on ‘the hunt’ and then proceeded to sing ‘lady in red’ very badly at me ( oh god! Should have gone with the maxi dress…red minidress a little too much for some people to stay polite about. ) I suffered looks in the restaurant which I interpreted as ‘you are too old to wear stuff like that’ and after having some gross letchy Chav ask I’d the seat next to me was taken (yes it was) loitering then touching my hair…well I haven’t needed to use that particular reflex for quite some time but it quickly returned.   I immediately spun around and shot a look that said ‘get the fuck off me or I’ll kick you in the nuts’

I still have that knack it seems.

The rest of the evening I avoided eye contact with anyone except my immediate company, completely paranoid that I looked like a hooker (overdressed 30-something..).

Argh! So maybe there is something between no attention and being letched at where I could be happy. Plus I learnt something…although mojitos are delicious, daquiris are unpalatable and heartburn inducing.

What happened? How did I become so old and nervous and worrisome? Maybe it’s because I care. I now care what happens, who has fun, who gets hurt, what I feel like. I consider the consequences whereas I never really thought I had anything to lose when I was younger. To some extent I didn’t care because I figured I wouldn’t be alive to have to handle the fallout.

Right now, even though I’m unsure, even though I feel chubby, even though I know I’m nothing but a catalogue of faults and errors, I still think it’s an improvement on the earlier versions of me. If only someone could learn to love or at least overlook or forgive  those faults and misdemeanors…that would make life a whole different spectrum of colours.

Wholesome Health & punting with pimms ( and a bike)

Its official. I’m healthy.
Woohoo!
Dietician says to maintain between current mass (53 kilos) and 55 kilos. Fab.
Soo now I can truly try intuitive eating 🙂 this new freedom allowed me to have 4 slices of quorn chicken, 4 crackerbreads with olive spread, a tin of chickpeas and a chocolate truffle for dinner. It was nearly 10pm so ok that wasn’t the most balanced meal ever but it’s what I felt like having!

Alright then body, whatcha gonna do now?

Have I mentioned that I stopped counting calories. Spontaneously stopped caring. To have to check food total is sufficient is a chore. It looks a lit like my body is now attuned to having about 2500 cals and if it doesn’t get them it reminds me with unavoidable hunger. Biology and biochemistry in motion that is folks!

I know, it’s all basic human physiology etc but for someone who has lived, slept, sweated, eaten and drunk what they only considered in terms of calories and numbers it’s totally fascinating to know that after all that mental anguish and self abuse, it genuinely is possible to revert to what nature intended. 🙂
I guess the immediate reaction upon having dietary freedom like this is to eat a lot of cake. That’s what I have been doing but once a normal sized serving of cake has been consumed the craving passes then the next thing I want is some fresh fruit or carrots or something. Not because of perceived ‘health value’ not to ‘save calories’ just because thats what I fancy!

I’ll be doing spot checks if I feel overfulI or think overfulI eaten very lightly but on general it’s goodbye counting!

Yesterday the lab took to the cam for punting. Of course sods law dictated that I’d overrun my prep and miss out on the fun. But. Determined to show my face for this social outing (lord knows I’ve missed enough thanks to social abd food anxieties) I diligently cycled into parts of the city that I didn’t even know existed trying in ernest to reach the towpath but every entry seemed to be private land….
After some very garbled text messages I figured I would just carry on up a bit further and found a delightful meadow by the river where young people ( im no longer a young person…) gathered to smoke pot and drink beers in the sun…merrily cycling along and hoping to god I didn’t get a puncture….well long story short I found one of the punts, we put my bike on board and punted away!
Now I’m no expert but I’m guessing that for a punt hire company taking a bike on board is a fineworthy offense so after pimms and lemonade was drunk (full sugar, unknown volumes / cals/don’t give a shit) myself and bike were dutifully ejected from the punt so I could cycle off home.
Must remember to decontaminate handlebars which definitely went in the river!!!