Restricting for the good of my gut?

It’s been a while since I’ve felt the need for a sprawling rant about how everything is pissing me off, but such a mood has descended yet again.

The issue is my damned digestive system. So you know about the drama with the failed endoscopy, for which I have to go chat to a specialist on Monday, but that’s not the issue right now, the big problem is that for ‘ibs’ symptoms I have to do a low FODMAP elimination diet for 4 weeks. You probably don’t know what this diet is and I hope you never have to find out in detail. You have to cut out certain types of food including wheat, dairy, some fruits and veggies, plus onion and garlic. This on top of the no coffee, alcohol or citrus that my stomach requires. It’s basically a torturously strict set of dietary rules with the result that you can basically only eat potato and rice for 4 weeks. Maybe I’m exaggerating but today is day one and I’m utterly fed up. Being vegetarian plus low FODMAP and lactose free is a big challenge, and one that I do not relish. We went to the supermarket especially to stock up of special foods for me, only for me to realise today that a few of them I’m not actually allowed to eat because they have a banned ingredient hidden in them (no fair!!) the strawberry jam was a particular disappointment and I nearly smashed the damned jar right there and then for containing fructose syrup. The wheat-free cake (contains milk) and dairyfree icecream (contains lupin) are currently at risk of violence because I  chose them specifically, I want to eat them, but I can’t. I’ll have some vegan cola sweets instead and give my teeth and blood glucose a nice surprise. I’ve discovered that rice noodles are no substitute for wheat noodles and that gluten free bread is a whole other food group that appears to only contain dry, slightly sweet non-doughy produce. If I’m required to dine out this month I’ll be restricted to a gluten free pizza or a baked potato with a glass of water….how very exciting indeed. I have to attend a wedding and didnt tell them I was going to be wheat-free and onion and garlic-free so I’m going to have to just suck it up and eat what I’m served unless it’s literally onion soup with bread because, no, that really doesn’t sound very clever….and cue rolling around on the hotel room floor waiting for the abdominal pains to pass….

My belly already feels a bit better and this pisses me off because I don’t want to have to cut out any of these things indefinately. That and I’m hiccupping like a motherfucker so I guess it’s just a choice between reflux or ibs these days. 

If anyone is reading then please send moral fortification because it’s not yet been 24 hours and I want out from this restrictive hell hole! 

On an unrelated topic, my latest manuscript got accepted and the next edition of pickledsparklymooseprincess et al will appear soon In a biology journal near you. I will celebrate this weekend with some strong rooibos tea and oat biscuits maybe followed up with a gaviscon chaser. Living the dream. 

Don’t even think about eating apple pie in front of me right now, I won’t be held accountable for my actions.

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8 thoughts on “Restricting for the good of my gut?

  1. HermitCrab says:

    I’m sorry! That sounds god awful. I cant imagine working around those restrictions…Especially since I’m pretty grounded with a couple injuries that make meals pretty much the most exciting part of my day. It must be pretty discouraging.

    Sending moral reinforcements your way to help you find some creative recipes that might spice things up. 💂💂💂

  2. bexyboop92 says:

    I have only just read this… I have been on this diet for just over a week and I want to rage quit so badly!!! I’ve started to blog my experience as it is hard to find simple information about this diet, or simple recipes. I also am cutting out dairy as that was a trigger before this horrible diet.
    Did you manage to stick to it?

    • Hey there. I did indeed manage to stick it out. What I didn’t know was that you have to keep it up longer while you test each food or group individually. I’ve only just finished reintroduction of most foods so now I just restrict fructose, lactose and wheat (though wheat deserves another go I think). If my skin hadn’t cleared up on this diet I don’t think I’d have stuck to it. That and the fact I never realised I was chronically bloated until it just melted away! I hope you manage to get through the worst bit (first few weeks) and get some relief. I’ll check out your blog and see if I have any useful suggestions.

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