Panic as a failed balancing act

Here is a discussion I had with my anxious inner squid while sat in a meeting.

Me: hmm our ear is ringing a bit
Squid: that’s bad.
Me: it’ll probably go away
Squid: it hasn’t gone away, I think we are going deaf
Me: yeah I guess we do feel a bit dizzy
Squid: a bit? Did we even eat breakfast?
Me: yes, we did
Squid: well it wasn’t enough, our blood sugar is plummeting
Me: but we can’t very well walk out of this meeting to get a snack can we?
Squid: standing up might make us pass out
Me: shit, why is this meeting still going on?
Squid: I don’t like this,I think I might just shut down the consciousness centre to make it go away
Me: what the FUCK? No! That’s not an option
Squid: why are you doing weird things,like constantly squirming,taking our glasses on and off and rubbing bits of our body
Me: because I’m not letting you make me faint
Squid: but people have noticed..
Me: shit
Boss: are you OK?
Me: nope
Boss: haha
Squid: you should just let me win
Boss: why dont you just go
Me: erm. Because I think I’m going to pass out if I stand up
Boss: what do you want us to do?
Me: can someone get me some water and something to eat
(some kind person goes to get water and I’m passed some sugar sachets)
(worried looks all around the table)
Squid: I knew it! You are such a drama Queen!
Me: oh just fuck off, I’m going to have to tell them
Squid: that the anxious squid in your head is freaking you out?
Me: it’s probably just a panic attack
Colleague: has it happened before?
Squid: idiot
Me: yup
Colleague: have you eaten something?
Me: breakfast
Squid: skipped the juice though didn’t we…
Colleague: did you eat something that might have poisoned you?
(luckily neither I nor squid heard that one)
(hurray, water has arrived)
Boss: the meeting is over anyway, shall we leave you alone?
Me: I don’t really need an audience…
Squid: I haven’t gone away you know, I’m still hovering over that switch
Me: except colleague 2, can I borrow you a min.

Two hours later, unaided by medication, I ran out of adrenalin.

So there we have it. The most public anxiety fail so far. I’m getting my ear checked out at the Dr.

Winter attire

Winter weather has finally descended on the UK. Snow and subzero and all things icy and chilly. Unfortunately the horses still need to be exercised, even when I fear the onset of hypothermia and death of exposure. I dashed out yesterday to a tack shop to buy a slightly overpriced warm jacket to attempt to keep feeling in my body and arms on hacks. We will see how that goes. We will also see how size medium shapes up…I don’t think I own anything else in medium except chaps and gloves, but they don’t make those coats flattering or generous (for those who religiously wear a body protector). We shall see indeed, wrapped up in two pairs of thermal tights, joddies, thermal half chaps, two thermal tops, another tshirt, fleece and new coat, whether I make it back at around normal body temperature! Sadly I haven’t discovered a full weather proof face protector device for riding in, so sexy widburnt dry flaky itchy face it is!
Horse riding is so glamorous, don’t you think?

I think I’ve decided how to divide things between the two blogs PSMP and accidental tentacles. The artsy creative moderately to deeply considered stuff is going over there, and the typical explosions of utter nonsense and largely unedited guff will stay here. I’ve had some teething problems with formatting and tags and organization, but I think it’s coming together. At least it’s something new.

A fresh new year

The new year has come and swallowed us all up,like a hungry hungry unstoppable hippo and with it – it has engulfed my feelings about this particular blog. The seemingly arbitrary categorization, the punctuation of inane diarising between artistic endeavours and idealistic theorising and fixation on mental health issues that are ostensibly in the past no longer appeals to my sensibilities. In short – the thing I loved about making this blog – the seeming randomness of what spewed forth from my typo-laden fingers, now feels unwieldy and clumsy rather than fluid and expressive.

I’m gong to start something new. (which will probably degenerate into PSMP v2.0 within weeks)

This doesn’t mean the end for pickledsparklymooseprincess, but it does mean that I won’t be posting much here for a while. Maybe I’ll see you from my new cyber window – perhaps I’ll give you a wave from there so you can see that it’s me! or maybe you’ll find me there by osmosis anyway!

Happy New Year all!