Inco.mplete rearrangements

Bring out the maracas(or percussive instrument or instrument of torture of your choice)! I think my stomach is healed!

A content tummy is something to be wholly appreciative of. Thanks universe 🙂

Last weekend saw a trip to see the ‘in-laws’. (if you think you can hear me rolling my eyes then there might be a reasonable for that). I honestly believe that everyone thinks that everyone else’s family are giant bunches of weirdos. I am, of course,  no exception.

We had some enforced ‘fun’ time Where we were shipped to the beach to see the sea, play crazy golf and play on the 2p arcade games. Clearly I lost the golf (on account of limited spacial awareness, disconnect in hand-eye coordination and the fact that I wasn’t cheating (much)). Looking grumpy was not an option, and I was just desperately waiting for someone to send me something to proof-read so I could engage my brain in something but it was not to be. Seagulls and flaky paint it was then.

A whole truckload of tongue-biting ( what an image)is prerequisite for such a visit. It is always riling to have to hear comments like ‘they might be gay, but they are nice people’ delivered without a hint of comprehension of how homophobic that they sounded (I shot SO the widest-eyed look imaginable). To have a question asked about me to someone else when I’m RIGHT THERE!!!!( hello???) And the utter horror of having the Alpha male swear and gesticulate violently at some poor sod who was lost and wanted to turn around in their driveway. What sickens me is how proud and righteous he was about the whole situation, bragging to a very uncomfortable looking neighbour about it. No-one will call him on his jeuvenility because they are too afraid of being the next victim in the eye of sauron. Sometimes grown men just need a smacked bottom (in as unkinky way as possible, so like, maybe with a dirty binbag or something) to be shown how ridiculous they are. Sadly Alpha female would not condone any confrontation and so instead, I was used as a social buffer, as someone less likely to evoke an angry response to an invitation to sit down for lunch. Sigh.

I don’t know about you but when I visit someone else’s family I get really bored very easily. On this occaission I got so bored that I actually cleaned and polished the car inside and out. I have no love of cars or cleaning, but it did give some much needed respite from the incredible stream of bigoted prejudiced comments that I had to hear but not react to. Instead I had the neighbours making the highly original joke about their car being next…£100 mate… Yeah, didn’t think so…hehe.

This is all rather insipid isn’t it. So to brighten the mood I’ll let you into a little secret. I visited a lab recently that work on the malaria parasite, plasmodium. I learned a bit about how this incredible creature invades and survives…and.. I got to visit the room where mosquitoes were infected with malaria! Though I was super itchy afterwards…just….eugh…gross….itchy….Bleh….

Here is. Runner bean using a blade of grass as support.

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“Dark clouds bring waters, when the bright bring none.”~john bunyan, pilgrim’s progress.

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Broncing horse and broken nose. Thanks Buster.

Have you ever seen a horse bronc? Well it looks a bit like this:

and this behaviour usually ends up with a rider splatted on the ground.

This week the field was broken into and people stole a load of my friend’s stuff, scared the shit out of the horses in the process. My little buddy even freaked when he first saw me come into the field until he realised it was me, and he’s not normally highly strung.

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^one chilled beastie

Out on the ride my steed was acting like a young-un, tanking off into a very fast canter at every opportunity of stubble field and then tolerating (with a bit of spooking) a couple of dogs running towards him and one sniffed at his leg (dog got a whip waved in their direction of course, don’t want someone’s poor pooch killed by a horse kick). Not long afterwards, Buster spooked at a dog making noise in the hedge, bolted and when I tried to pull him up, decided that,  no, he’d rather take evasive action rather than slow down or turn away from the hedge. And so you won’t be surprised to hear that when my little angel Buster went on a bucking bronco fit, I flew off and crashed into the ground, smacking my head in the process. I’ll give him credit for 1) having the energy to have such a mad broncing fit that continued after I was ejected, 2) dodging out of my way as I fell and 3) ultimately just stopping and not bolting off into the distance. (good boy, a bit too late for obedience though matey!).

Apparently I have a very mild head injury that can be managed with paracetamol and rest, but it does look like I fractured the bridge of my nose. Which would explain why it hurts like hell. And why putting my sunglasses on suddenly became unpalatable (Yay for not having my sunnies (or my self for that matter) trampled on!)

To be fair, I was processed relatively fast by A and E, as I was out in about 2 hours, but it took 1.45 hours to get some damned paracetamol out of the stingey buggers. As I wasn’t planning any public trips, I was wearing a skin-tight white(ish) tank that was a major nipple exposer and so had to borrow SO’s plaid shirt to cover up my chest and the weird horse-related stains on my top (mmmm how attractive). I’ll bet that processed me faster to get the horsey stink out of the waiting room….

Please send hugs and virtual paid -killers because I hurt.

I should probably add that I was riding responsibly, I had both a hat and body protector on that conformed to safety regulations, as well as a reflective jacket, and was carrying my phone and some mints (good for shock).

Zombies, dolls, chickens and drugs

I love that I can tell my mum some med side effects and she can conclude its like being on a trip..way to go mum using the word ‘trip’ appropriately, and then no reaction when I say yeah, except I didn’t take any fun drugs this time. 🙂 I’ll bet she was reminiscing again about that time the police demonstrated what burning cannabis smells like.

It’s been an odd few days. I had some diazepam inspired dreams of zombie invasion, where I went venturing too far outside of the safe zones, found me some zombies and got saved by Lister and Rimmer (of red dwarf fame (if you don’t know red dwarf then go away, watch every episode and then, and only then, will I consider speaking to you again)). So clearly I proposed to both on the spot and they supplied me with a fine quality conker. A conker? Yes. Don’t you know anything about zombies? You have to beat them at conkers before you can kill them…only, those zombies, they play dirty and you pretty much have to smash them in the head with your supreme king of conkers then just leg it. Which we did, trundling back through the doors and corridors that took us back to the heart of safety, but having to look unflustered and inconspicuous, like, yknow, we totally didn’t just leave the back door open so zombies could get in….

In addition, I saw a naked doll tied up to a van’s exhaust this morning. This made me smile because it looked really grubby and it was kind of a dark image…some people are clearly more weird than I am, so I’ll either have to up my game or accept the wonder that is the insanity of others!

You can probably tell that I’m feeling much better 😀

Here are some psychedelic chickens

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“Remember when you lost your shit and
Drove the car into the garden”~the national, I need my girl

I want pancakes and coffee

Sooooo it’s been a while and I’ve been quiet here. Mostly because I can’t focus on much other than the ever pervasive nausea, stomach tenderness, bloating and malaise that come part and parcel with a stomach infestation of helicobacter pylori. I’d love to tell you that I took one pill and everything cleared up and I now feel alive again, but that simply isn’t true. I’ve become a total bore…more than usual even, talking endlessly about my damned stomach woes. I am bored with this myself. So very bored. And yet. Here I am whinging on about it once again. Because I took quite a few tablets and don’t feel a fat lot better. In fact, I’m also losing weight and that’s pissing me off. I’ll keep this short because it’s fucking boring, but I feel like shit, and I’m fed up beyond words. I need my stomach to sort it’s shit out in the next few weeks because I’m not happy about taking all this (gestures to grumpy pained face) on an expensive holiday of whinging and dry toast eating. Ok stomach? Hear that? If you behave yourself you can have all the pancakes you can bear, how’s that?

I was so busy whingeing and feeling sorry for myself that forgot to put a lyric – so I had to come back and do it…

“Love, I love you, I want to give you mountains, the sunshine, the sunset too
I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me”~jewel, painters