I’m allowed to be a dragon right now…

If you ask anyone who knows me what my favourite things to eat and drink are (assuming there is no nutritional judgement going on) and they’ll tell you chocolate, coffee and red wine.

Ok.

Now, if you ask my stomach how it currently feels about those items you will get a terrible response.

As my stomach and brain are at odds I have to bow down to the needs of my digestive tract because its getting in the way of thinking etc. Sadly the knock-on effect has been caffeine withdrawal to accompany the already established gastritis that has made a home in my body.

It’s really lovely because personally I enjoy nausea, heartburn, reflux, abdominal pains and more, and it’s a Particular delight when teamed with caffeine withdrawal. So the end effect is that I feel like I’m having a perpetual hangover – lethargic, pounding headache, nausea, depression..

Are you feeling sorry for me yet?

No?

Ok well maybe if I get medical with you for a moment. I have inflammation of the stomach lining that is aggregated by excess stomach acid. It is worsened by alcohol, caffeine, spices, fat, citrus fruits and stress. Which is a bugger because I have health anxiety…so I spy a bilious and vicious circle.

It gets worse…I couldn’t go horse riding because my body protector pressed into my tender stomach, and, to top it all off, I have to give a poop sample to the doctor to check if I have some funky spiral bacterium called helicobacter that burrows into your stomach lining (doubt it, I didn’t have it the last two times and I haven’t knowingly been eating other people’s poop….oh God, what if I DO have it and caught it from a restaurant or something…ewwww!!). If it was anyone else I’d be sniggering but it’s me, so it’s no laughing matter. Ok? I mean, I’m not going to discuss the logistics here but there are some things you should never have to learn to do.

So it has been a sad, painful weekend of coffee and chocolate cravings, and feeling like i’d drink a bottle of tequila, but without any of the fun bits. I’ve been a total dragon and didn’t shower for nearly two days. Sorry world, my adenosine receptors are having a party without my consent.

Now my GI tract is getting a bit less rebellious, I’m still struggling with the deeply unpleasant caffeine detox and I’m not sure which is worse…but caffeine will be waiting for me when this crucible is over, and if I hadn’t given it up for the timebeing I’d be staring down the barrel of an ulcer some time soon.

“You said I began
This messy state of love affair
And I drink too much and smoke too fast
And this city’s cleared my innocence”~Emiliana Torrini, heartstopper

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8 thoughts on “I’m allowed to be a dragon right now…

  1. haha it was one of the more entertaining whinge posts I’ve come across yet! hope you feel better soon…

  2. Ha: “It’s really lovely because personally I enjoy nausea, heartburn, reflux, abdominal pains and more, and it’s a Particular delight when teamed with caffeine withdrawal.” Fucking helicoptabacterion!

  3. Issy Clarke says:

    I was on Lanzoprazole for a while – cut out dairy and gluten and all is good – I can tolerate the coffee and wine without the meds…

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