Expectations and consequence

Expectations are strange. Different aspects of our lives have different expectations of us and yet, we are magically presumed to be capable of fulfilling all even mutually exclusive or contradictory roles.

As a general rule, I try not to have expectations of Individuals. I reserve it for organizations and non-sentient objects. In such a manner, I am released from daily disappointment when people do not meet what I might consider the correct  or proper level of behaviour that I hope for. Instead, if they do graduate into an admirable level of whatever the are doing, then I am pleased, rather than placated. So when I’m faced with a question like “what do you expect me to do?” I’m kind of stumped, I expect them to decide for themselves and live with the the consequences. I’m not here to judge, only be witness and be a fellow human scrabbling in the dirt of existence. I have no right to set up expectations for you, or me, or anyone else. I can hope and dream and wish, but not expect.

It is uncomfortable bobbing around in an ocean of other people’s disappointment in me, being subjected to criticism, scorn or discipline . It’s not like I am not sorry, I am. I’m sorry that others have to swallow the bitter pills of dissatisfaction and disappointment because I fail to meet their expectations. I’m sorry for them that I’m not the person they want me to be and occasionally I’m genuinely remorseful because despite my rejection of expectations, I am on occasion disappointed in myself too.

Even in my slightly altered state, stepping aside from societal judgement, I can’t quell all expectations. I have basic needs that I expect be fulfilled:

To be addressed and treated in a civil manner
To be allowed freedom of thought and speech
To be respected as a human being
To be forgiven for my mistakes.

Even so, I get disappointed. I’m disappointed when I’m spoken to like a piece of dirt, when I’m made to relive my mistakes over and over, never forgiven or forgotten. I’m disappointed when I’m told that I am wrong because I feel, think, say or believe something different. Everything we think we know is only measured with reference to some other arbitrary thing.
There are no absolutes here.
No right.
No wrong.
No up or down.
So though I don’t expect to stop being told how selfish I am, I would appreciate if at least someone cared that it hurts.

So you don’t think I appreciate or work or understand the consequences? Do you know the consequences of your own words?

“consequence is a bigger word than you think “~incubus, consequence

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