I’m still dreaming of her. I still have a splitsecond lapse some mornings before I remember she’s gone. This constant nagging feeling that I’ve absent-mindedly forgotten to call someone, but then realising that I can only talk to her grave now. I miss her so much, but the grief has lifted and morphed into something more pensive and palpable. I smelt something yesterday that reminded me of her and I wonder how long I will remember her scent. I wonder how long I will remember how it felt to be truly and reciprocally unconditionally loved and accepted. I wonder if I will ever be able to step out of the shadow of fear, that I too, will suffer from her fatal malady.
“Ignorant siblings in the congregation.
Gather around spewing sympathy,
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won’t see.
But enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who illuminated?
Your little piece of the divine.”