I am what I am not ( part 2)

Yeah I know I used that title idlewild reference before (quite recently in fact) buts it’s the only thing that seems relevant.

A few words triggered a massive inner hurricane and I felt like a damned superhero on the brink of unleashing some mortal power. The doors survived slamming and the grocery bags didn’t break as I threw them down because although I felt the need to break something…I was not far gone enough not to see the consequences (this time). It sounds like I have a terrible anger problem doesn’t it? But I think I coped quite well considering. Considering that I had, yet again, been told black was white.

It sounds trivial, but I was criticised for not running ahead to unlock the door for someone, so when I rushed and tried my best to find my keys (that had securely snuggled themselves somewhere between my wallet and phone) my companion impatiently said very bitingly that I was not bothering, like usual. Now, he was damned lucky I didn’t throw the groceries at him and walk off, but I didn’t, I just set my jaw and ran ahead to unlock the next door to prove him wrong (god. I hate reverse psychology, it’s the worst…) and then my mood was apparently unacceptable
Did I get an apology? Of course not.

I’m sick and tired of going told what I am ( when I am not) and vice versa. Sick of being told I am doing one thing when I’m trying to do something else. I’m not standing for having my perception and memories distorted out of all recognition.

“You were way out of line
Went and turned it all around on me again
How can I not smell your lie
Through the smoke and arrogance?


Ha! I even referenced the same puscifer song in my last post called “I am what I not”

Pre-dictable association.


3 thoughts on “I am what I am not ( part 2)

  1. Love this song. Yeah I had a roommate who was always pissed that I didn’t lock or unlock the door when we went out together. He was kind of justified because I didn’t carry around the keys figuring that why should I if he has the keys. I still think that was kind of right though, because I would have been open to us alternating days but of course he was always worried that we’d get split up or something, so he would never leave without keys. They had our keys at the front desk, so why would that be a problem? So I figured fuck it, if you’re always going to have the keys why should I weigh myself down with them? But he got angry about that anyway. Now that I live with my wife I always unlock the door, saves time and arguments. Funny how it’s such an easy thing to do but always manages to cause conflict.

  2. Jennifer says:

    Did you ever get this resolved to your satisfaction hon?

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