I am feeling low. I feel low in both the mood and musical senses.
This reticent melancholy was not entirely unforseen but that does not make its shaking off any the easier. I have listened to “The Great Destroyer” three times today, and it still isn’t getting old. You might know what the great destroyer means , but in case you don’t it’s a poetic description of time according to Isaac D’Israeli, a song by  Nine Inch Nails and also an excellent album by the band Low. I refer, on this occasion to the last, but also with allusion to the first.

“Time the great destroyer of other men’s happiness, only enlarges the patrimony of literature to its possessor”
~ Isaac D’Israeli (father of Benjamin)

Time. Time has gouged out a year from our calendars, a year of our lives, a year of others’ death. It has chewed us up and spat us out into a fresh year, and I cannot say I’m sorry to see 2014 leave the stage.

That year brought me so much sadness and disappointment, so much anxiety and fear. I just hope that the new year is a bit less contagious with greif, and that I can learn to accept myself even of others do not.

Midnight struck as I lay in bed in the pitch black. The moment punctuated by fireworks and cheers, and snoring from beside me. It is just another day. Why must it always just be another day? How can we bear the sorrows we carry when we don’t celebrate at times? How long can we survive through grey, passionless days. And why am I enforcing these on myself? Am I?

I don’t want to be lonely, I don’t want to be ashamed, I don’t want anxiety to ruin my chances of a few happy days…and yet, it would seem that against my bidding, it has me in a stranglehold.

“Just like diamonds in your hand
I’ll just cut you in the end”


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