Still haunted by fantastic dreams and allusions I find myself faced by the undeniable reality that my face on Skype via front facing camera is something horrific. I really look like some kind of bizarre sea creature / goblin hybrid yet my nephew immediately recognises me. How dreadful. I’d like to be able to blame this on dysmorphia but I actually do genuinely think there is something of the squiddish hobgoblin in my features.
Perhaps the problem is that someone I barely know told me that I looked beautiful a few days ago, which was overgenerous of them, and although nice, it made me realise how seldom I get such comments on this, most monstrous visage. I see only a collection of imperfections. A quite extensive collection at that.
Sorry folks it’s one of those many days where neither mirror nor camera is my ally. I have been taking my meds so I’m not quite sure what the deal is this time, but not being able to exercise for a week and wearing no makeup for 3 days may have something to do with it, in conjunction with extensive boredom and time for wallowing in silent self-discourse, or maybe it’s because I’m reading Wuthering Heights. I only hope that this bout of bodily and facial dissatisfaction make way for more important and constructive things. For the record, that’s pretty much EVERYTHING else.
Go tell someone that you love how beautiful they are.
“and in the doorway they stay
and laugh as violins fill with water
screams from the bluebells
can’t make them go away”