Driving despite the fear

I have now completed 4 hours of driving lessons (years post test) and not once did the instructor require the dual control pedals! Not only this but I did not get flustered or panicky once, and was told there was nothing wrong with my driving that calm environment in the car, starting off during quiet times, and just building my confidence wouldn’t fix. Woohoo!
Well ok, about the panicking thing. Okay, so i had some epic anxiety in the morning before the lesson, so bad that I suspected migraine until my hands and ears went numb and I knew I was in the grips of irrational panic.SO was good, phoned me during his busy work time to tell me i was just winding myself up and had to go ahead with the lesson regardless ( but maybe warn instructor!). I had no choice but to continue with my lab work, heart pounding, feeling like my head was about to float away from my body, and so I took heather novas glowstars album with me into tissue culture,.and as I concentrated on correct sterile techniques and careful planning, the wash of oceanic noise and sirenesque vocals lulled me back to a state far closer to normality. Green tea and snacks pre lesson assured no dehydration or hypoglycemia, and it was pretty much plain sailing.
This episode makes me wonder of my decision to alter my med dose down was the wisest….although when things are fine, I’m a-ok, when the tiniest thing goes wrong, I fall apart.

I can’t come up with any more good things about me today. Really, I’ve just been reminded of my abounding bad qualities and so they fill my head with self hatred and internal revulsion.

I hate the way that letting someone get close to you means they know exactly what to say to shatter your hopes and dreams.


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