I have been totally spoilt these past few days. I have been welcomed, accepted, entertained, repeatedly hugged. I have had delicious food, great company, smiles galore. As Hercules Poirot would say, it has been a trip most splendid. Mere days out of my usual pressures and I was already starting to think that maybe I wasn’t such a dreadful person after all, and maybe things could be a good deal more pleasant. No, that they SHOULD.
It rained non stop. Drizzle to torrents and grey skies abounding. Fog obscuring the distance but that didn’t matter because the brain fog lifted and the drizzly greyness of my thoughts made way for sunny intervals. I think I forgot how fun it can be to splash in puddles, or to adventure around a castle when your inner pessimist says you should be safely in the warm and dry.
You may note a touch of past tense.
I arrived home more confident in myself. So. When SO started ranting about bloody disabled people ruining the rail station etc I disagreed. I strongly believe in defending those who are subject to prejudice, even if I don’t know the full story. Yesterday it was the disabled. I put forward a view that people with disabilities deserve to live as normal a life as possible, sadly this costs money and provisions like parking close to things are required. But. Because I do not know many disabled people and because I do not know the details of their subsidised help or benefits (and because there are those who abuse the system) I was told that I basically had no right to an opinion. That my liberalist view was pointless because I didn’t know enough to form an informed opinion and should therefore shut up.
Bollocks to that. Everyone, no matter how ill-informed, ignorant or socially inept, has the right to an opinion and freedom of speech. So I know nothing? Ok but I FEEL, and my feeling is that it’s not right to deny those who are less fortunate than ourselves the ability to travel by rail etc, nor is it acceptable to talk in such sweeping derogatory terms about such a diverse set of people.
So yeah. I got my pointless liberalism out of the cupboard and am rubbing it in everyone’s faces and no-one can stop me. Ha!
I wish it had stopped just there but no, the topics changed but the dismissive offensive attitudes were still presented to me. And still, and still, I disagreed.
Rather than taking the opportunity to discuss amicably and exchange ideas, experience and knowledge, I only received a lesson in how wrong I was and how it was bad of me to be so confrontational.
Now let me think about that. Confrontational suggests that I go out of my way to cause a fight. But. All I did was try and express my different opinion when I was presented with something I considered offensive and unfair. I think that’s called having a discussion. But some people are so used to just scolding and preaching that if someone tells back, the shock of it feels aggressive. Well aggression breeds defense no? And I’m not sitting on my laurels accepting every bigoted, narrow-minded, prejudiced, dismissive, offensive comment that is thrown at me. I’m afraid by some hideous osmosis over years of passivity these seeds have grown to blackened sickly saplings in my mind but now I’m cutting them down and making way for some prettier things.
Sometimes trees are nothing but jagged lines connecting the earth to the sky. Sometimes the sky is only an undulating backdrop for the trees. Sometimes your breath is the sky and your feet are deeply rooted in the ground. Sometimes you are the jagged lines that connect the earth to sky.
Some days have passed unhappily.
A sleepless dream aborted.
Some greetings failed to incite warmth.
A broken smile contorted.
Some stories fell on deafened ears.
A treasure never found.
Some nights have passed unpeacefully.
A dreamless sleep unsound.