Dumb

So hurt. So numb. So silent. So full of words. So fearful. So calm.
This day should not have come to pass. This is not the way that things are meant to be. Trawling through lyrics trying to find something that comes close but nothing, just nothing can touch this. Too shallow. Too deep.

I cannot say why.I cannot say. I just can’t. This is not what I dream of. I need someone to believe in me, to counsel me or just hold me but instead I seek counsel in a bath of warm water. Rippling with dread and foaming with sadness. Gentle waves of words washing over my documented imperfections.Bathing in this state because there is nowhere else to suspend my body or mind.

I cannot clean myself of this. I cannot wash away the tears I refuse to cry, or the stains of guilt or rejection.

If only I could lay here a while longer.

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