Time is the diamond

Time is just flying at the moment. Things and words, thoughts and actions all whizzing past with nary enough time for consideration. I worked from home the other day and didn’t so much as turn the tv on. I haven’t spoken to my family in ages and I feel like I just haven’t stopped running!

Today I feel like going to a park or a wood somewhere, despite the rain, and just writing and writing until my head is empty and ready to receive new info and experiences.

I’m still feeling pretty down about myself. Inside and out. I’m getting old, yet still suffering spots, I’m gaining weight yet still not a nice shape. I’m trying to be positive but feel depressed. All in all I am terribly disappointed with the me who exists at the moment.

So. I decided to make an effort to improve things.
1. Doc gave me antibiotic for skin.
2. Not picking skin as much ( old compulsive behaviour creeping back in).
3. Trying to eat more despite sudden horror of current weight.
4. Bought myself three Ida CDs.
5. Dressed in clothes I felt more confident in. Black flares and top with purple and black corset-back coat, and with a gorgeous necklace gifted to me by my sister-in-law, and my sunglasses, which I love.
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6. Walked around town with what would look to other people like dignity and confidence.

So now I feel great, right?

Well, no. Sadly although the initial effect was positive ( I saw a few people I work with and for once wasn’t totally embarrassed by how I looked…not that I think they noticed me). Some less than great things have dampened my efforts.

1. Ran out of most foods so breakfast was porridge made with water 😦 and tea because out of coffee.
2. Only had ~200 kcal by 1pm whereas usually have + need more like 900 before lunchtime.
3. Stupid Pfizer have discontinued a pill I take, so now I have to switch to another with horrible side effects. This is most saddening 😦
4. Massive month late April showers.
5. SO making me feel like shit during shopping trip as per usual.
6. Wishing I could get dressed up go out drinking and dancing and being silly but knowing there is no opportunity.

I got myself a new lipbalm pomegranate flavour donchaknow. Fascinating. I know.
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There was so much to say but its hard to get the flow going when you are typing on a smartphone.

Damn! I need to dye my hair. Every time I swear there are more greys.

Bastards are taking over my scalp, acne and wrinkles taking over my face.paranoia creeping all over my psyche.

Come on bank holiday weekend, show me what (good stuff) you’ve got!!!

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