I feel like shit. Do you feel like shit? I do.I hope you don’t. It’s my fault we didn’t take the old printer to the tip sooner. Because it snowd it wont even be open (it was) the roads won’t be gritted (they were) the car would spoil out if control and get written off (it didn’t) and it would be all my fault so I would have to pay for the damage (huh? I’m not the one driving!) Mood dips. Too weak to keep fighting against negativity. I am a wretched human being. I am lazy to a fault and people ask themselves and me why they bother to do anything for me. Stealing moments alone in the bathroom else I’d go mad even sooner. My face has adopted that familiar expression of one lost into the depths of depressed thought. I guess I deserve to be left too struggle when im dragged out of the flat in the worlds least flattering outfit (nickname frumpo) with unwashed hair and no makeup..and a sling (nickname spazzarm or mongarm). Incase I was in any doubt it is my fault I’m in this situation- noone else made me fall off a horse. Therefore it’s ok to watch me struggle to pay for / carry / open something because I must learn my lesson. I should also stop being lazy and sit down to have breakfast when I should be taking out the rubbish, nit whingeing that it’s not possible with one arm…. I miss the ponies already. I miss the cycle to work. I miss feeling like I’m not a horrendous yet pathetic creature.
Some time later.
The only chore I have not done (although not all are finished) is tge ironing. SO did the ironing, then left the iron on, tripped on the wire and landed it face down on my living room carpet.
I wouldn’t mind so much if the initial response hadn’t been ‘ what do you expect me to do about it’ ans something more like ‘im sorry’
Clearly this event and the subsequent unrecoverable state if the carpet are my fault. Probably if I’d not fallen off a horse I would have ironed the sheets…or if I’d been physically disposable for the hanging if sheets up…but alas…
Nevertheless I am the one who will need to buy a new carpet yet has received no glimpse of apology or responsibility for the perpetrators actions.
What a day.
My wrist is sore from all the housework which I wasnt using it for but had to angle it away./ use elbow etc.
Je suis le sad hippo
Some time later again.
Oh. Asking someone to apologise is not the done thing. Why must I always make everything about me? Cue that open mouthed disgusted face that has made me cry so many times. He’s tired. Hes fucking tired. I’m the one who has literally single handedly cleaned the flat at 1/4 speed, including changing the bed clothes and wrestling a duvet into an already quite full suitcase.
So. Guess what? I’m a bit tired. I’m a bit upset. I’m totally misunderstood.