I have gained nearly two extra pounds. Yay me. Of course now I have to adjust to the slightly fattier curvier me and remember this is not my aesthetic or health maxima! Time to consider some yoga for toning. Time to consider how I feel about my body. Time for another round of self acceptance.
As I watch people fading away into their desired sizes, or governing their every walking moment with obsession over food and weight I just know I made the right choice.
I feel alive.
I feel safe.
I feel comfortable (ish)
I feel feminine.
I feel wholesome.
I feel strong.
I met three women on a course yesterday. Two were healthy and curvy and open looking, one was skinny and selfconscious looking. I guessed she was much slimmer than me now, she looked like a young girl despite being older than I. One flash of jealousy came, followed by considering how I’d much rather look relaxed, self accepting and womanly than child-like and fragile. The more I looked, the more I realised she really wasn’t all that much skinnier than me. That…maybe I look like that to other people…or at Ieast I did when I thought I looked ok. How peculiar.
Storming against irrational things I decided to try one of my favourite ‘old’ ( pre no dairy) foods: pesto and ricotta tortellini. It tastes amazing. However, within an hour of ingestion there are signs of physical incompatibility between intestines and ricotta. This makes me sad. Next time, same experiment with lactase tablet.
I’m scared to take a lactase pill. I dont knowwhat I think it’s going to do! Surely the only effect could be less digestive woes..so why do I think I’m going to go into anaphylaxis?
Stupid health anxiety.
There is some other stuff but it’s a totally other topic.