Smelly cat

First off, I was woken up at 3:30 am by SO telling me that the cat had done a massive stinky shit in the litter tray and that the whole flat stank of shit.
So. He didn’t tell me to clean it up pronto but the threat of a poopy stinking flat didn’t delight me. So. I got up, scooped the steamer up and flushed that baby away. SO couldn’t do it because “he would throw up” hmmm really?
So I’m sleepy and could really have used an extra hour in bed 😦

oh god. OH MY GOD! how the hell does one small animal cause enough stink to leave two adults almost wretching? I had just accused SO of doing a loud fart and he maintained it wasnt him when the cat came darting back into the living room away from the litter tray followed by an unprecedented and unacceptable stench. SO almost threw up and I had to deal with the offending, offensive erm, poop. I thought this was a nice kitty, good greif this place is definitely not big enough to keep a cat long term. For a start you’d need an extra wing to hide in until the smell subsides, or at the very least, the ability to let kitty outside. Eeegads…

Ok that was less poetic and more feces-oriented than I planned

I was laughing so hard I cried

That would be because I’m immature and SOs reactions are so over the top!

That’s it, no more kitty treats and back to the ‘indoor cat’ food. And definitely no meaty Pringles.

Good Friday miscellany

Even though I have done all of the housework this week with a broken wrist I was told today that I dont pull my weight with the chores.
What. The. Fuck.

Sorted the cat out 🙂 left her a radio on and a lamp and shut her in the living room. Voila! No disturbed sleep. The mother of all cat poops was waiting for me on the morning.
So all is good here.

I keep getting electric shocks from Dusty’s ears and I got one from the end of her nose! Poor love bounded off in surprise from that one!

I think I overdid the skyrim yesterday, my elbow is really cramped today…curses!

I think I might use the slendertone while I’m not cycling / riding. I dont mind being heavier but it always deposits on the belly to start with and that’s not a good look! Having said that, it hasn’t made a tremendous difference to SO’s ahem, physique.

About nelson Mandela, I guess I’m just a slave to the media slants because SO says Mandela is nothing but a terrorist and that he probably has less conviction than a certain prominent Muslim fundamentalist, or Irish terrorist organizations. I really can’t argue when I dont know all that much about it, but in my opinion, fighting against apartide is a more noble cause than just fighting for land or religious ideology.

Cat enjoyed watching SO playing new bioshock. I think she prefers him to me. Largely because I’m annoying and want her to play all the time. Yup. Cats definitely dobt make good dogs.

I started compiling this list of orders I have been given today but thought better than to publish it.I dislike statements beginning with ‘don’t…’ its just rude and disrespectful. But then so is giving threats then saying they aren’t threats but truth.

Ok. Slight misjudgment here. Don’t slendertone soon after eating a heavy meal and chocolate…especially if nausea causes you health anxiety.

I’m kind of looking forward to finishing the song of ice and fire books…I like them pretty well, but have read them back to back over several months ( difficult to fond time to read these days) and I’ve had perdido station sat in my living room for over a year now and I’d quite likes to read it.

What to do over the easter holiday? Drink lots of tea, torment the kitty cat, continue to do all of the housework and feel sad that I can’t go see the ponies.

Possibly the most pointless and boring post ever. My head hurts and seemingly the cure wasn’t to bleed out the spare words using a technological leech.

Good cat, bad cat- my first experience of looking after a kitty

I am looking after my bosses cat for 10 days

2013-03-27 21.17.48

Isn’t she just adorable! her name is Dusty (on account of she looks like a tortoiseshell who has rolled in dust to give her muted colours)

Initially all went ok -Ii went to my bosses house, admired the work they have done on their unimaginably valuable cottage, and we packed up the necessary cat things for her stay, said hello to Dusty then drove her over to my place. Now, I have never had a cat, so I guess I was a bit naive about what to expect. so to start I was a bit disappointed that she immediately shot under the bed and hid there. 😦 but after my boss finished her tea and left, SO decided it was unhygienic for the cat to be in the bedroom and he was tired (8pm) and i had to get her out form under the bed- well, fine, but i susect lifting up the mattress and scaring the poor thing out wasn’t the best plan ;/

once out of the bedroom, i managed to hide a tablet for her in her food which disappeared quite nicely, and she made cat water in the litter tray, and jumped onto the sofa for a cuddle with SO and then me. Ok I thought, we’ve cracked it – the cat is now happy. Oh no he wasn’t.

I was woken up at 1AM by yowling, I figured she was hungry so fed her, but after food and me going back to bed the noises continued until 5:30AM when SO got up…and so did I…because it’s my fault we have the cat here. Ugh. Obviously this text is being written powered mostly by caffeine and twiglets.
So sleepless nights give rise to slight cat annoyance. The plan today is to keep her awake as long as possible so she sleeps tonight, and also having two rather than one shut door in between us and darling kitty cat. We had fun this morning though, kitty and I – I showed her how to get on the windowsill, and she started trying to scratch the litter tray, but being smooth plastic wasn’t much good but as soon as claw met carpet she was scolded.
No cats in the spare (cd) room. No cats on or in the bed. No cats in the ensuite, no pooping, puking or weeing anywhere but the litter tray, no scratching my stuff and no keeping me awake at night. That’s is the rules of my abode.
About the pooping. Boss said she produces a huge amount of um solids, but since arriving no deposit has been made in the litter tray. I seriously hope that SO is wrong and that she hasn’t hidden a stealth poop somewhere.
A cut in the carpet has appeared. UNDERNEATH where the scratching post was. Ah well that carpet is screwed anyway…but how did it happen? Could have been from the iron incident but the angle looks wrong. Could a cat slice a rip through an entire carpet layer? As you see I’m not the worlds greatest feline expert, I just know purring is good hissing is bad and it’s nice to have some company 🙂
Things I have learnt so far
1. Cat food stinks.
2. Kitty will leave some of the stinkiest food rather than finish it straight away because then the whole house will stink.
3. Kitty will try to climb anything even if it’s clearly unstable (ie freestanding DVD rack.
4. Kitty does not do much on command and makes a bad dog
5. When kitty cries in the night you should ignore them or they will do it every night.
6. Kitty likes warm dark places to hide
7. If the cat is hungry enough they dont notice tablets in food (boss was hiding it inside chicken, I figured hiding it in the whiskers was just as good.
8. Kitty wants attention when you are busy or asleep but wants to sleep when you want to play / cuddle.

ps because Dusty’s tail swished across my face SO says I now have cat poo on my face. :/


Im trying to keep her awake but every time I try to explain now is the awake, playing, cuddling, wandering around time not at night, she just looks at me with this expression on her face that says ‘fuck off’ and put her head back down again. I am clearly not alpha cat here.


Sad hippo


I feel like shit. Do you feel like shit? I do.I hope you don’t. It’s my fault we didn’t take the old printer to the tip sooner. Because it snowd it wont even be open (it was) the roads won’t be gritted (they were) the car would spoil out if control and get written off (it didn’t) and it would be all my fault so I would have to pay for the damage (huh? I’m not the one driving!) Mood dips. Too weak to keep fighting against negativity. I am a wretched human being. I am lazy to a fault and people ask themselves and me why they bother to do anything for me. Stealing moments alone in the bathroom else I’d go mad even sooner. My face has adopted that familiar expression of one lost into the depths of depressed thought. I guess I deserve to be left too struggle when im dragged out of the flat in the worlds least flattering outfit (nickname frumpo) with unwashed hair and no makeup..and a sling (nickname spazzarm or mongarm). Incase I was in any doubt it is my fault I’m in this situation- noone else made me fall off a horse. Therefore it’s ok to watch me struggle to pay for / carry / open something because I must learn my lesson. I should also stop being lazy and sit down to have breakfast when I should be taking out the rubbish, nit whingeing that it’s not possible with one arm…. I miss the ponies already. I miss the cycle to work. I miss feeling like I’m not a horrendous yet pathetic creature.

Some time later.
The only chore I have not done (although not all are finished) is tge ironing. SO did the ironing, then left the iron on, tripped on the wire and landed it face down on my living room carpet.
I wouldn’t mind so much if the initial response hadn’t been ‘ what do you expect me to do about it’ ans something more like ‘im sorry’
Clearly this event and the subsequent unrecoverable state if the carpet are my fault. Probably if I’d not fallen off a horse I would have ironed the sheets…or if I’d been physically disposable for the hanging if sheets up…but alas…
Nevertheless I am the one who will need to buy a new carpet yet has received no glimpse of apology or responsibility for the perpetrators actions.
What a day.
My wrist is sore from all the housework which I wasnt using it for but had to angle it away./ use elbow etc.
Je suis le sad hippo

Some time later again.
Oh. Asking someone to apologise is not the done thing. Why must I always make everything about me? Cue that open mouthed disgusted face that has made me cry so many times. He’s tired. Hes fucking tired. I’m the one who has literally single handedly cleaned the flat at 1/4 speed, including changing the bed clothes and wrestling a duvet into an already quite full suitcase.
So. Guess what? I’m a bit tired. I’m a bit upset. I’m totally misunderstood.

Peters funeral, or how to make your girlfriend (who has a broken wrist) feel as anxious and shit about herself as possible

As the title says. It’s nice to get some practice getting teary eyed before you go to a funeral, right?
I guess things have calmed down now, but why choose that morning to get stressed and lay into me about my insufficiencies etc…I really wish I’d gone alone.
I’d better change the topic, I dont want to wind myself up again.
I’m So so fricken tired. This stupid cast means I seem to wake up every 30 mins or so….somehow I made it to rem sleep because I’m pretty sure my conscious brain wouldn’t concoct a story involving me desperately trying to seduce someone from my past….at least, not that person, yet there was a trip on a boat which transformed into a car, and a hippie apaRtment with a broken toilet. None of it made sense. Except that I recently had email contact from said person and some inexplicably tiny part of me wonders what if….so it snowballs until I know full well that reality falls pretty darned far from what has evolved in my head. Did that ever happens to you?

The funeral went ok. I mean, I had this weird realisation midway through the service that peters dead and presumably partially decomposed body was in the casket…I guess id rather not think about it. I sung the hymns even though I cant control the volume of my high notes and I declined all forms of prayer / blessing. I guess it is comforting for people to beleive that Jesus welcomes you into death and leads you to god, but I don’t buy it. What I suspect is that in the final moments of life something in the brain jars and there is this moment that feels like eternity where whatever you believe will happen to you appears to happen, but the moment has to eventually and then you are gone save for the marks you left with the living.
So if you want to believe Christ is going to save you, then when the time comes,I hope it feels like he does. That is all.
I am going to miss him. Peter, not Jesus. I have met unicorns and dragons, and faeries but never a messiah…I prefer the unicorns. I am concerned about this alleged indelible mark I had put on me as a child….I never asked for that..I dont want the blanket Christian pre-death vision just because I got baptised, that’s not fair.

something broken…the story of how I was unexpectedly ejected from the saddle

hello little wordpress world! I have such a story to tell you.

so this is the thing: last weekend this little darling –

2012-06-23 20.31.20

decided he didn’t want to go out for a ride with my friend, so he spooked at a little ‘ting’ noise when his bride was being put on and bolted around the garden, trashing his bridle.

My friend went and bought the necessary bridle pieces, fashioned a new bridle  and then set to tacking him up again, no sooner were the  rein over his neck than he shot off again and the ride was written off as too dangerous.

So this weekend I went over, gave him a good groom, went to put on his bridle and – vrooom, off he went to eat some grass – bridle trailing behind him. of course I’m not having that, so my friend and I between us wrangled him into his bridle, only to find it needed adjusting (ohhhh how he enjoyed that) then I kitted myself up with my safety gear and jumped on board. While my friend got on her pony, Monty was really restless, pawing the ground and such (obviously I  told him off for that) . We decided to take them to the end of the road to assess safety so off we  went trotting to burn off some of their fizziness..the end of the road came and went and all of us felt safe and calm so we carried on. We had the most lively and lovely of rides and when we went for a canter for the first time ever Monty and I won the race!!! we continued on with everyone happy until we got to the final muddy bridlepath about a mile from home, picking our feet carefully through the squelchy patches and winding down when something scared the bejesus out of him and he bolted. I was totally not expecting this so had long reigns just taking in the scenery when his adrenalin surged, thrmpthrmpthrmp (reins shortened and pulled, tried to turn,but his legs were floundering – oh shit, tree and pony in front – feck, feck – SPLAT!, straight in the mud. Smug looking pony eating grass – me on the floor with a broken wrist, a sore head and a very soggy bum.

The trip to A & E I think I was a bit in shock – i made it out to be like a joke for a few hours after the incident – i got a cast and a sling (after 5 xrays) and now I am so annoyed with myself. Im annoyed that I did the one thing you shouldn’t (break fall with hand), Im annoyed that I didnt keep my seat and I’m annoyed that I didn’t deem Monty too dangerous to take out 😦

I know it can happen to any rider on any horse but it kind of makes me feel like a beginner again – like I should have known I should have handled it better, but I did what I did – I took a risk and this time I lost the gamble (and my left hand for a couple of months :(. at least it was my left!!

SO thinks Im mental that my biggest annoyance is that I cannot ride for weeks! He thinks  should never ride again…I think if you love something you keep on doing it, but I will be a little bit less bolshy from now on!!2013-03-16 18.17.52