Disclaimer: For the purpose of this discussion, animals will be defined as non-primate mammals. I am well aware that humans are animals, but it is a bit lengthy to have to write ‘non-primate mammals’ every time, so for now, they are animals, and we are humans. ok?
Why do animals make better company than humans?
– they don’t lie
-They don’t argue about pointless things like who is doing the dishes, and only moan when you try and put them in a box not much bigger than they are (this is reasonable)
-They don’t pretend they didn’t make that gross stink and blame it on you
-They don’t blame you for things, they just accept that things happen
-You can convince yourself that they are pleased to see you because they love you, and not because they are hungry and cannot open the tins of food/ gate themselves.
-When you want alone time you can just go out, they will be happy when you return, not moody
-Animals are rarely religious, so you are spared all of that nonsense
-Animals will not steal your expensive shampoo, though they may smear it all over the bathroom if you leave it in an accessible place
-If your animals smells another animal on you they wont think you are cheating on them, they will be excited to meet this other animal
-Animals don’t care if you wear your pyjamas all day long
-Animals don’t criticize you (unless you choose to reflect your self-criticism off them)
The downsides of animal companionship – why human contact is sometimes necessary
-Animals do not make good restaurant or pub-going guests, they tend to spill things and make a mess
– Animals are not very good at paying your wages on time
– All conversations with an animal is invariably a conversation with yourself, sometimes you need another opinion when sparky keeps agreeing with your thoughts
-Animals do not make very good doctors – sadly ‘ roll in the mud’ doesn’t cure all human ills.
In conclusion, Humans are necessary for health and wealth, but animals are better for happiness. Fin.
Ah. One more thing. This does not mean that when we are next scheduled to meet that it is acceptable to send a gerbil in your stead.